Once upon a time,
there was a man who was always ANGRY.
“How beautiful! The sun is shining!” Said his neighbor pointing at the blue sky.
“SHUT UP!” The ANGRY man screamed.
“This beautiful baby is smiling at you, isn’t she lovely?” The cashier told him while he was buying groceries.
“GRRR!” Whispered the ANGRY man.
“You got mail!” The mailman joyously announced.
“I HATE ENVELOPES!” Shouted the ANGRY man as he tore all the letters he had just received into a million pieces without even reading them.
Nothing could cheer the ANGRY man up, so he went online and started sharing all of his ANGRY thoughts.
“BLUE SKIES ARE HORRIBLE!” He typed on his computer.
“SMILING BABIES ARE UGLY!!!” He continued on his phone.
“STOP SENDING ME MAIL!” He wrote on his iPad.
The more the man typed, the angrier he became. Soon, his anger became so big that many other people got ANGRY too. And they too started typing.
“MY DOG STINKS!” A sweaty teenager typed on her computer.
“PIZZA IS AWFUL!” A man with a grey goatee wrote on his phone.
“BIRDS ARE STUPID!” A blonde woman yelled at a man who was peacefully watching a woodpecker in Central Park.
The more those people typed, the angrier they became. At one point, their anger got too big for their pockets, and too heavy for their backpacks.
“WE NEED BIG HOUSES ’CAUSE WE DON’T KNOW WHERE TO FIT OUR ANGER ANYMORE!” Typed those ANGRY people on all the devices they could find.
“MAKE ME PRESIDENT!” The ANGRY man typed back “AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HOUSE YOU’VE EVER SEEN!”
“HOW BIG?!” Typed the ANGRY people.
“IT WILL BE GIGANTIC, SO WE CAN ALL MOVE THERE AND JUST BE MAD ALL THE TIME!” He replied.
When the time for new elections came, the ANGRY people voted for the ANGRY man, he became an ANGRY President and went to live in a huge house where Presidents live.
“Aren’t you happy?” A journalist asked, “You get to live in this big house as long as you’re President!”
“I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY!” The ANGRY President shouted storming out of the room.
Time went by, and the ANGRY President was so ANGRY that he never invited anyone else in his big house. He wandered the halls, and every day he tried to stuff every little space he found with his anger. He glued his anger behind old paintings, he filled beautiful vases with it and dug holes in the garden so he could bury it there too.
The ANGRY people saw what the ANGRY President was doing in the huge house, and they decided to do the same in their houses. They started stuffing their anger everywhere they could:
In flower pots on their windowsills.
In their pillows and under their beds.
In empty jelly jars.
In the trunks of their cars.
An old man tried to stuff his anger into a sock, but there was a hole in it, and the anger spilled all over the floor making a mess.
Four years went by. The time came for another Presidential election.
“HOLD ON TO YOUR ANGER! VOTE ME AGAIN!” Yelled the ANGRY President from a window.
But most of the people didn’t want to hold on to their anger: some wanted to make jelly and needed the jars. Others wanted to go camping and needed space in their trunk. Others simply wanted to sleep better. So, one night, the people gathered the anger they had stuffed everywhere, they put it in big, black plastic bags and dragged them in front of their houses and apartments. The following morning, at sunrise, a green garbage truck collected them all and took them away.
Then, the people voted and they elected a different President.
On the last days before having to move out of the gigantic house to make room for the new President, the ANGRY President was angrier than ever because he didn’t want to leave. So he yelled into a microphone: “I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE! COME HERE SO WE CAN ALL STAY ANGRY FOR FOUR MORE YEARS!“.
Some people who were still angry went to the huge house. Together, they broke windows and doors, stole pens, and took letters that were not addressed to them. They filled every inch of that immense house with anger. They even yelled at the police and at journalists, and they dressed up as bulls and bears to scare away the new President.
But the new President wasn’t scared.
He said: “I’m not scared. I am the new President and I will take all the anger you have filled this house with and put it in big, black bags so that at sunrise, a green garbage truck can take it away once and for all.”
The ANGRY people left and the ANGRY President locked himself in his bedroom, refusing to come out.
“I WILL NEVER LEAVE!” He shouted from behind his closed door.
While the ANGRY President was still locked in his room, the new President, with the help of many other people, started to clean the house: they fixed the broken doors and windows, mopped the floor and they got the pens back from the people who had stolen them.
Unfortunately, they were unable to retrieve the stolen letters, because some of those ANGRY people were so angry that they had eaten them on their way out. At night, the ANGRY President got hungry and he came out of his room to get a sandwich with peanut butter and anger. He opened his anger jar, and - horror! - it was empty. He looked in an anger bottle he kept under the sink, and that was empty too. Everything was sparkling clean and there was no trace of anger, anywhere. The new President and his team had been very thorough!
So the ANGRY President packed his pajamas and his toothbrush in a very small trolley and left.
Since he didn’t have a big house to stuff with his anger anymore, the ANGRY President started hitting golf balls with all the strength that he had. One day, a ball he hit landed on a whale who was passing by and it got stuck in her blowhole.
With a blow, the annoyed whale shot the ball right back in the golf course, hitting the ANGRY President in the butt.
Sylvia K. Bertolotti